Dear TV Licensing,
I would like to assure you that, during these trying times, our media consumption is strictly limited to:
- the oral tradition,
- folk-based musical ceremony,
- the Sunday Times, purchased fortnightly.
We do not, have not, nor will we ever consume, ingest or otherwise allow our spirits to be blessed by televised content, conveyed to us by the LCD, Plasma, LED, or even Cathode Ray Tube screens, whether large or small.
Sometimes we can hear the football through our neighbours walls, or a brief flash of pale cyan light graces our unworthy souls as we pass by on the street. But I give you my word that Al Jazeera will never be streamed or recorded, online or offline, televised or channeled, through any TV service, and even if it was we would look away just to be on the safe side, in my household.
Please take pity on our ignorant and Spartan ways.
Kind regards, Matt